Still Becoming Still Coming Home to You

“Baebaaaa.”

Dave can tell how tired I am by how long I stretch that last sound. The longer it goes on, the more extra love I need. It started one night when I was exhausted and, admittedly, a little whiny. I meant to call him “babe,” as I had for so many years. Instead, out came “Baebaaa.” He thought it was so funny and cute that it stuck. Now we call each other that, a little nickname with its own meaning in our marriage. When I drag it out, he usually laughs and snuggles closer. Sometimes I get an extra hug. Sometimes he gets out of bed to turn off my light so I don’t have to reach over and do it myself. That might sound like a small thing. But when you’re exhausted, and someone is willing to get up simply so you don’t have to, you feel cared for.

On October 7, Dave and I celebrate twenty-six years of marriage. When I think about what I want to honor, I keep coming back to moments like that. He has been beside me through so much, but I also want to celebrate the everyday life we share. The inside jokes. The affection. The things nobody else would quite understand. And the laughter. There is so much laughter. I am convinced I married the funniest person alive. His antics can make me laugh at any time of any day. Every night before he showers, he does a little sexy dance just to make me smile. Yes, I’m sharing that. After twenty-six years, he is still putting on a show for an audience of one. He says it makes him feel good that he can make me belly laugh. I love that he still wants to. Whatever else needs our attention, there is room for him to be ridiculous and for me to laugh with my whole body. I have my own little ways of loving him. I rub his back or run my fingernails gently over his head. He’s bald, and he says it feels so amazing he could fall asleep. And he never complains about my nail appointments, as it benefits him. Hahaaaa! He rarely asks for affection; I reach for him automatically, sometimes even while we’re in the car. I know how much touch means to him. I make a point, knowing it’s part of his love language because I want him to feel loved in an ordinary moment, without having to ask.

We have learned to love harder and deeper as the years have passed, through each other’s growth and setbacks. A big part of that has been learning how to talk when talking feels difficult. Early in our relationship, I was afraid to share my feelings when I was angry. I would hold them in for days, sometimes weeks, and freeze him out. I worried that saying what I felt might put the relationship at risk. Dave helped me learn to trust that anger didn’t automatically mean a breakup. We could be upset with each other and still love each other. We needed to understand why the other person was hurt rather than leave them guessing. That changed the way I approached our disagreements. Now, when one of us is angry, we take a breath and talk before it becomes a tornado of anger. We don’t always agree, but we give each other a chance to explain. Communication has become our biggest asset.

Being able to say what hurts, and trust that we can work through it, has made me feel safer with him. I don’t have to hide my feelings to protect our marriage. We are both still growing. Twenty-six years has given us plenty of opportunities to learn each other again. I love knowing that we can change and still reach for one another, still find something funny, still care about making the other person feel loved.

When I think of Dave as my soul mate, I think of how I feel beside him. No matter where we live, who we’re out with, or what situation needs our attention, he can look at me and take my hand, and I know I’m safe.

Our relationship feels like home.

So, Dave, thank you for being by my side through it all. Thank you for listening when I finally learned to speak, for turning off the light, and for never running out of ways to make me laugh. Thank you for letting me love you in the small ways, too.

Happy twenty-sixth anniversary, Baebaaa. I’m still becoming, and I’m so grateful to keep sharing this life with you.

You’re my person. You’re my home.

xoxo- Fab